well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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