I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
