I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
