he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
