Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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