just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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