I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
