Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just invented taco cereal.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
