is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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