i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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