I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
