That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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