Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
