I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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