I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
