Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
