...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
