if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
