Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
