Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
