i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
