I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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