chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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