Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
