Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
