Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
