Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
