Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
