Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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