So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
