Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
