You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
