I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
