He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
