Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
