Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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