We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
