I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
