Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
