I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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