when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
