would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
