Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
