ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Text me some of your sweat
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
