Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
