Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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