wakey wakey hands off snakey
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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