she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
