Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
