I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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