Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize