I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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