Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
