Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
