I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
